Well here it is my very first Eid and guess where I sit? At home instead of at Eid prayers. Today here in Nova Scotia we are having very bad weather. All the schools are closed as is our local community college. We got just enough snow to cause problems, what is worse though in the gusting winds that run up to 8o km an hr.
So what are we going to do this first Eid. Well my dear daughter has opened her Eid present. I got her a board game, so maybe we will play that. My daughter will probably wear her new abaya around the house and I’m wearing a new scarf. For food lets see I think I will make up some of my daughters favorites…all Canadian of course.
I am feelig a bit disappointed because I was so looking forward to praying in congregation. I really wanted to feel apart of this Muslim community to which I now belong. So here I sit instead, perhaps I will go and visit some blogs this morning so I can feel the spirit of Islam that I can find here online.
I think I am learning this new faith of mine:Islam. For me the transition from one faith to another sure has some bumps in the road. Some suggestions for those who are doing the same:
- try to do so it a community of believers who can nurture you. Doing it on your own as I am doing is a very difficult road. I am finding that I have many questions and the Internet is not the best place for answers.
- give your family time to adjust to the changes in you. Don’t expect them to be happy about it over night. Remember they knew you when.
- give yourself time. You don’t have to be perfect over night. I am thankful that Allah is kind and full of mercies.
- dont become a I know it person, seek advice, counsel and want to learn more and more.
- get a mentor: have somebody in your life you can turn to when you have questions or need advice.
For me so far these things are working. For me the hardest part of this walk for me is the isolation from a community that think the same as I do, that could nurture me, being a lone single in small town Canada is hard. Now I am off to Rocks in My Dryer to see what works for other people in their lives.
The last month as I have really looked at Islam there is much that can attract someone, but there are the things that can turn someone away as well. I am sure this is common in every faith that I can think of.
Yesterday I volunteered with a Christian organization and got into an interesting conversation with another volunteer. She too is checking out Islam. We were talking about some of the things that are likely to happen if we revert.
Here is my list:
- First I will have to find a job that is more appropriate
- Wearing the hijab will turn heads especially since I chair my daughters school parents organization.
- Getting up to pray when I would rather sleep.
- My family would likely disown me.
- No more looking at men
Now some of these are serious concerns and others well they wouldn’t bug me. Islam I am realizing is not a religion for the faint of heart. You need to realize that here in the west you are turning your back on so much you were raised with and embracing a new faith and a new way of life.
How many times have to stayed up late? Recently too many too count. I find myself online looking for more information, wanting to learn more, wanting to find more.
Last night I was watching video on the discussion of Christ and who he is. My entire life I have believed and followed him. Sought after a relationship with Christ. But is it him that I owe this allegiance? Would God really have to become man to save us from our sins? This is something I am beginning to rethink. After all it has been the basis for my faith for the last 30 years of my life.
Who was this Jesus? Is he what some say or was he merely another one who pointed us to God who was given the ability to do miracles?
So I was up late watching and reading videos on the topic. I am learning much and here I thought I had the beginnings of a seminary education. I thought I was smart, that I was correct, what if I have been wrong? Could it be?
mobile:n, migratory; “a restless mobile society”; “the nomadic habits of the Bedouins”; “believed the profession of a peregrine typist would have a …
meandering(a): of a path e.g.; “meandering streams”; “rambling forest paths”; “the river followed its wandering course”; “a winding country road”
travelling about without any clear destination; “she followed him in his wanderings and looked after him”
erratic: having no fixed course; “an erratic comet”; “his life followed a wandering course”; “a planetary vagabond”
What does it mean to wander through life?
I can say that through my life I have been wandering, especially when it comes to the things that matter. I can say my course has not been “fixed”. It has had me examine the serious questions of life over and over with my pairs of glasses on.
I grew up in a home where there was a basic belief in God but without real intent to pass on any real knowledge. Yes I went to Sunday School and learned about Jesus but what was practiced at home: nothing.
When I was 13 I began attending a Southern Baptist Church. I loved the youth group and the simplicity of the message of the gospel of Christ as it was presented…It was as simple as pray Jesus in. Well after really looking at the bible I was left with many questions. I had to wander and look some more.
By the time I was in University I was part of a church planting team and even went away for a year and worked with the homeless in LosAngeles. That year taught me to read and study! My life has been about that since.
When I was 22 I converted to Mormonism. I had in Christianity had trouble with several thoughts including pray Jesus in and all was well. In Mormonism there was ritual and rules. There was comfort in how they had great families. I became an active Mormon even marrying in the temple. My marriage dissolved a year later with me having more questions then answers.
Then a friend introduced me to the Church of Christ and there doctrines and I was a member there for awhile…they had some rules like the Mormons but not the additional scriptures. But a few years ago I again became disillusioned.
I have been wandering since childhood looking for a faith that is true. That answers the important questions…so far many of my questions go unanswered.
Recently my wandering has taken me to examining Islam. This is a recent thing and the reason for this blog. I want to record what I find as I examine faith and look forward to maybe the day that this faithful wander can stop wandering and embrace a faith that is what it says it is. Is that too much to ask?
From a young age I have been a seeker of knowledge and I think that is a good thing and just maybe that is why I have wandered so much.