Well here it is my very first Eid and guess where I sit? At home instead of at Eid prayers. Today here in Nova Scotia we are having very bad weather. All the schools are closed as is our local community college. We got just enough snow to cause problems, what is worse though in the gusting winds that run up to 8o km an hr.
So what are we going to do this first Eid. Well my dear daughter has opened her Eid present. I got her a board game, so maybe we will play that. My daughter will probably wear her new abaya around the house and I’m wearing a new scarf. For food lets see I think I will make up some of my daughters favorites…all Canadian of course.
I am feelig a bit disappointed because I was so looking forward to praying in congregation. I really wanted to feel apart of this Muslim community to which I now belong. So here I sit instead, perhaps I will go and visit some blogs this morning so I can feel the spirit of Islam that I can find here online.
Last night here it was Halloween. What is a new muslimah supposed to do when she has raised her child always doing Halloween? For me I am finding it hard to live here where so much is haram. You know the stuff that wont bring you closer to Allah.
You see Halloween has its roots in Paganism, and yes today’s kids going door to door around your neighborhood begging is not the same as the old rituals yet to participate is to give in to stuff that really isnt the best choice. Last night I gave in. You see I have a 10 year old daughter who isn’t sure she wants to be Muslim, after all the only Muslim she sees now is me. My mom is also a Holiday lover, and goes overboard for them all. Being this close to her does not help me increase my deen. I feel a bit at a loss in this new faith of mind, and some days like last night I find myself feeling bad. Feeling caught between two worlds, anyone else ever feel this?
It is this caught between two worlds that has me a bit scared. How can I really increase in faith, when I am so isolated. I find myself really missing the Muslim community of Toronto. At least there I had Muslims around I could learn from, here really I have no one, so much for being a rural Muslimah. My daughter has no friends now that are Muslim, unlike Toronto when her best friends were.
I have recently found myself online more and more seeking learning and community but even that is hard to find. I did find an online Arabic class so I think I am going to start that soon, I really want to be able to speak and read it. I am reading several blogs by Muslimah bloggers so expect to see a blog roll here soon not only of Muslimahs but of my other passion everything frugal. So visitors, if you live in the west,or are a revert like me how do you balance things? How did you make that transition?
Since my move to rural Nova Scotianity I have flet very alone as a Muslim woman, especially because I am very new in my faith even still. Here in town there are only 4muslim families, and me and one other single brother. In the 4 families none of the sisters have I met yet as they dont go to juma on a regular basis. I find myself trying hard to figure out my faith on my own…..and trust me if you live and are in a larger Muslim community you need to be thankful for it!
As for work, I am settling in and have been asked to sit on the corporate diversity comittee, so much for wearing my hijab at work. My worries were for nothing, and so far the only thing that has come from it is the chance to explain bits of my faith at work and that is a good thing.
My daughter and I have finally found our own apartment and that is a good thing so I can practice my faith without feeling like my mom hates what I do.
Often I find myself coming here, to the Internet to feel community and part of the bigger picture, for me that helps.
If you stop by and read and can think of other ways for me to increase in my faith in a lone environment let me know.